The Pointless fic of PointlessnessTWO
by seanbiggerstaffrox
Summary: Yes there's a sequal! MWA HA HA HA...I'M EVIL! This is totally pointless with absolutely no plot!
1. Chapter 1

Title: The pointless fic of pointlessness….TWO!

Author: Me of course!

Summary: The title explains it all

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling, Roald Dahl, and J.R.R Tolkein! Plot is all mine, though I do give some credit to the red sock that inspired me to write this! Yes, a sock!

Rating: T, I don't know why, just is!

**Chapter One: Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter style**

Starring:

Harry Potter as Fritto (or Frodo, but for this story he's Fritto, cause Frodo sounds like a chip brand anyway and cause I said it's fritto)

Uncle Vernon as Blibo (Bilbo)

Neville Longbottom as, Fritto's lover, Ham

Fred and George Weasley as Merry and Pippin (I only spell the people I like name's right)

Dumbledore as Gogolf

Peter Pettigrew as Gollum

Sirius Black as Arogorn or strider

Remus Lupin as Arrow, arwen only male

Draco Malfoy as Legolas

Hagrid as Gimli (I actually hate him but can't figure out how to insult his name)

Ron Weasley as …er….um…ju…ju…schulc…er…schni…tt..zel…van…brugger..Hey, that's good, we'll call him, JuJu Schulcerschnittzel Van Brugger, legolas's sweetish lover!

And of course Voldemort as Fritto's arch-nemesis…..well you know I don't actually know his name so for this story will just call him….IT! yes ever so fitting.

_**NOW ON TO THE STORY**_

Fritto made his way dandily through a dandy group of dandy bushes that he dandily zig-dandily-zagged dandily through in the dandily forest to his dandy Uncle's/grandfather's/cousin's/brother's/2nd cousin's great great great great great great great great great great grandfather's great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother's great great uncle's brothers 4th cousin's sister's father's great great great great great grandfather's brother's son's 50 times removed, dandy house…..in dandy town…as he picked dandelions.….dandily.

"la la la la la la!" He sang, skipping merrily on his way unaware that IT was foloowing 'im altheway thir' to his Unkell's 'ouse! (A/N:hee hee hee that was fun!)

Somewhere off in the distance Mr. Potato sat by a fire he made by himself.

"OH, woe is me! Nobody loves me for I am just a wee little potato!"

Sam was prancing prancily through the prancily prancing trees of prancily prancy forest! He was prancily observing the prancily prancing prancy trees of prancy forest when he saw IT, eating a potato! IT was horrible, IT was horrendous, IT HAD NO NOSE!

"AAAAHHHHH! IT'S IT, SAVE ME FRITTO DARLING FOR I AM BUT A WEE LITTLE POTATO!" Screamed Sam, terror wracking through his body.

"A wee little potato I will eat! Pikachu…attack!" cried IT in a terrible tone, throwing his terrifying pokkeball.

The pokkeball hit Sam in the head and knocked him out! Then IT ate him!

" MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'M AM THE MOST EVILIST PERSON IN ALL THE WORLD! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA brrp" He finished with a tremendous earth shaking, ground breaking, world quacking, smell….FART! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA….everyone died….cause it smelled to bad and every one suffocated….except for IT who was used to the smell by now.

_(notreallyan)Epilogue_

IT found out that ruling a world where the only inhabitant was ruling a world where there were no inhabitants except for the inhabitant who was currently ruling the world that held no inhabitants except for the one ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the current inhabitant who was ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the one currently ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the inhabitant ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the one ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the one currently ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the king who was ruling a world without any inhabitants except for the one ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the one currently ruling the world without any inhabitants except for the one ruling the world could be very lonely. And he died!

A/N: okay that was my first chapter, I'll be adding another one I just wanted to get this out there! Review, the next chapter will be better, I swear on…my sock!


	2. Chapter 2

Harry sighed and picked up a novel lying on the ground. The title The Lord of the Rings was sprawled across the side and he opened up to the first page where the words took up about a millionth of the page and said:

_Frodo went on an adventure, threw ring in fire, it melted, the end._

…………………………………………………………_um…..he….a…..well….I forgot to mention he died. Yeah, an Orc ate him…after it fried him in Mount Doom, of course. Tasted like KFC too, with a little honey barbeque sauce…and some mashed Gollum on the side. Yum, I like hobbits. They're the new white meat._

He gasped at the amazing tale and sat at his desk to write his own magnificent story, throwing the book out the window on his way and ordered some fried hobbit from MDFH (Mount Doom Fried Hobbit).

The end.

……………………………Oh, I….uh…….forgot to mention that during the middle of a sentence a flying rhinoceros crashed through the window, squashing Harry who was immediately sent the hospital where evil clowns locked him in a cage and made him fight a lion which, inevitably, killed him. Hey don't blame me, it was my sister's idea…she hates Harry…..and Ron, she wanted to make Ron fight a lion too. She made a voodoo doll of him and made her little toy Simba eat him….seriously, she did.

A/N: Kudos to my sister who helped write this chapter, say thank You!!!


	3. Smurfs and Smut

Disclaimer: This is meant in no way to offend anybody

Disclaimer: This is meant in no way to offend anybody. I'm not profiting from it and, I shouldn't even HAVE to say this, but I don't own Harry Potter.

Dramatic Female voice: The world is changed; I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I _smell_ it in the air.

Harry: Sorry, that was me.

Hermione: Ewwwww.

Crowd: _backs away_

Director: Alright, cut.

!

Random person: 3……..2……..1………..ACTION!!

Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a young Wibbit-

Small boy: What's that?

Author: Wibbit- the combination of a wizard and a hobbit.

Michael Jackson: Hey, kid, you want some candy.

Small boy: Yay! A jolly rancher (_lifts it to mouth)_

Author: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Small boy: _(pauses)_

Author: You have to unwrap it first silly.

Michael Jackson: _(bounces up and down clapping hands and giggling girlishly) _Hee hee hee, Yay!!

Author: Anyway _(dramatic voice) _Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a young Wibbit by the-

Small boy: _(faints) _

Author: What now?

Michael Jackson: Mwa ha ha ha ha, it's okay, I'll take care of him.

Author: _(looks at him strangely before shrugging and continuing on with the story)_

Lived a young Wibbit by the name of Frarry Batter.

Frarry Batter was a normal Wibbit that lived in The Shittle Whingre in a round house in a hill reminiscent of Tellietubbie land on Number 4, Privet drive in Middle Engthland. Unknown to him his parents were killed when he was a baby by Sauran, Protected by his mothers love he 'defeated' the lord by…..stealing his magical ring. The spell turned on Lord Voldemort and he…….didn't die either. Why? We don't know. Perhaps he doesn't hate babies enough to cast a proper killing curse, or could be perhaps that his shoes were too tight, it could be his head wasn't screwed on just right, but I think the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes to small. You know, so, the spell missed it. But whatever the reason his heart or his shoes (or the really confusing plot of Lord of the Harry Potter and the fellowship of the sorcerors chamber of Azkaban goblets of the phoenix half blood deathly hollows of the ring) he ran in the forest hating that….Wibbit.

Frarry Batter: Wibbit……Wibbit good.

Gimlid the half giant dwarf: You're a Wibbit Harry!

(for plot devices I have combined Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley into one entity we shall call FatUglyChunkyKow or for short F.U.C.K)

F.U.C.K: Don't take my bitch away from me!

Gimlid : Smack Smackity Smack keep yo pimp hand strong!!

Frarry: Yo, that was mad dawg.

Gimlid : As I was saying, you're a Wibbit Harry!

Frarry: Who's Harry?

Gimlid: Sorry, wrong movie.

Frarry: I can't be a Wibbit. I'm just Frarry, just Frarry.

Gimlid: Didn't you wonder where your parents learnt it all?

Frarry: Oh, are we on this line already?

Gimlid: I don't know. What book was this again?

Frarry: I don't know, I think it was all of them.

Fawkes: Flies in and hits Frarry in the head with a sword while Ring wraiths chase her followed by a giant snake.

Ram, Ferry, and Pepper: Fly in giant car and kidnap Frarry

……….You know what, this is getting WAAAAAAAYYYYY to confusing, let's all start over.

Once upon a time there lived an average teenage wizard who defeated an evil dark lord when he was one, whose life is a living a hell, and who will forever go down in history as the pompous annoying git who saved everybody with just a _little _help from EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND HIM!! He had two best friends…..yeah, you got that, TWO….a supermodel who got dumber with every movie Hermione and her obviously gay love interest who she obviously hated and just wanted to get the hell away so she could glomp onto Harry (please, we all see it), Ron. Harry had loads of enemies but his most formidable was a Blonde Slytherin, Draco Malfoy.

Harry Potter lived in a big mansion with his masochistic and slightly abusive husband Voldemort. And a group of demonic care bears. They were currently in a big chocolate factory given by the owner to a boy named Charlie getting marriage counseling by the former owner who had decided to persue his true passion…….but since it was illegal decided to be a marriage counselor instead.

Michael Jackson……..er…..I mean….Willy Wonka: And Harry how does that make you feel.

Harry: (_moaning while MJ rubbed his back…I mean WW_) Just great

WW: You know, have you guys ever considered spicing up your marriage. You know, maybe a kid or two.

VM: I don't know, I've never been much of a parental figure.

WW: What?!

Harry: that's what you were talking about right, having a kid?

WW: ………..In a manner of speaking.

**Back at school**

Ron: You ever notice how the setting for Hogwarts changes in each movie?

Hermione: (_giggle_) I hate you so much (_hair twirl_)

Ron: What?!

Hermione: Nothing….(smile with hatred behind it) When's Harry getting here?

Ron: I don't know, he said he'd be here by now.

Hermione: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT (_ PMSsob_) You've ruined EVERYTHING!!

Ron: Riiiiggghhhhtt…..this must be the fourth movie. (_spots Cedric) (Waves and smiles)_ Wanna be a macho macho man…..

Hermione: (_oblivious_)

Draco: Weasley…..you're poor

Ron: (_Sexual tension) _

(A/N: Mmmmmmmm, love Measley (yes, that's my name for it, Dron sounds so…._zzzzzzz_))

Hermione: (_drones) _Malfoy, quite being mean to my future husband blah blah blah blah…….Harry should be here by now. I'm gonna go look for him (_leaves)_

Ron: Great, leave me alone with Malfoy.

Draco: I have more money than you……and I'm sexy

Ron: _(growl)_

Draco: _(secretly thinks Ron's sexy when he's angry) _

Ron: _(starts walking away)_

Draco's: Hey, Weasley, Weasley, guess what?

Ron: What Malfoy?

Draco: You're poor

Ron: (_seeth)_

Draco: Hey, Weasley, there's no one around us.

Ron: Yeah, So?

Draco: (_jumps Ron then procedes to screw him)_

(A/N: Yeah, put a little smut in there for you (_snort_))

Sirius: I am back from the dead

Bellatrix: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha

Sirius: ARRRGH (A/N: apparently Sirius, on top of being a convict and illegal animagus is also a pirate) _(falls into a curtain……again)_

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! … _(chases bellatrix)_

Bellatrix: _(Gives Harry cookie)_

Harry: Sirius wouldn't want me to be upset about his death _(eats cookie)_

Sirius: _(Struggles around in curtain) _mwamph mumble mumble

Harry: What?

Sirius: _(frees himself from curtain) _No one said I was officially dead, it was more implied than anything

J.K. Rowling: _(Hates Remus/Sirius slash, kills Sirius)_

Fan Girls: _(death glare)_

J.K. Rowling: Dumbledores gay!!

Fan Girls: (_temporarily stalled)_

Author: Yeah but you killed Dumbledore _(kills J.K. Rowling)_

Hermione: _(blonde)_

Draco: _(gay)_

Ginny: _(whore)_

Ron: _(gayer)_

Harry: _(angst)_

Dumbledore: _(dead)_

Hagrid: _(big)_

Smurf: _(blue)_

Author: _(running out of plot)_

Audience: _(wonders if there ever really was a plot to begin with)_

Harry, Ron, and Hermione wondered around the school grounds….well, more like hiked cause it was all mountainy and shit. Anyway, they hiked, fell, tripped, died around the school grounds doing whatever the hell it is people do when they're not watching TV and on the computer……I know, they breathed. They walked around breathing and…..talking….about…..important stuff, yeah, important stuff…..like TV and Computer.

Hermione: Did you guys watch The Hills last night. It was SOOOOO interesting. Spencer and Heidi broke up, then got together, then broke up, then fought, then had make up sex, then got together, then Spencer cheated on her, but she still loved him so she forgave him but than he accidentally scuffed one of her shoes so like she totally broke up with him but he so deserved it cause like shoes shouldn't be scuffed, they're only like used for walking around and stuff so like you should keep your shoes in good condition cause like people judge you if they don't look good, you know? But I only got to watch the first five minutes cause I had to go fluff my boobs.

Buckbeak: _(flies out of nowhere and kills Hermione)_

Harry: _(makes love to a tree)_

Ron: _(still gay)_

Smurf and Dobby: _(get it on in the background)_

Author: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter _(can't say that with a straight face) _Ha ha ha ha ha ha…oh…just review the damn story.


	4. Necay Lace

A/N: I dedicate this chapter to iheartmwpp because she requested a cute Sirius as Aragorn/Remy as Arrow moment

_A/N: _I dedicate this chapter to iheartmwpp because she requested a cute Sirius as Aragorn/Remy as Arrow moment. But I gave her this instead.

_(camera zooms in dramatically, narrowing in on Aragorn and Arrow standing on a bridge in front of a waterfall while Britney Spears plays in the background)_

_(camera zooms in closer)_

_(closer)_

_(closer)_

_(closer)_

_(TOO CLOSE)_

_(smacks Aragorn in the nose spiraling him of cliff)_

Peter Jackson: That's not supposed to happen till the Second movie. Gosh, you all SUCK!! Aragorn get your ass back on the bridge!! (A/N: Peter Jackson's got some anger issues.)

_(Britney Spears music starts up again and Aragorn and Arrow start talking)_

Music: The loneliness is killing me and I, I must confess I still believe _(screeching) _Still BELIEVE

(A/N: Picture them talking in the dramatic whisper thing they were talking in on the scene in Lord of the Rings, you know, when they were on the bridge and they both sounded really turned on, yeah that's the one)

Aragorn: Labealutsdirgalof Wafflesrsexyinmipants _Translation: _?

Arrow: Purrsleuthmajigger Siriusishot Imhorny _Translation: I really need to get laid_

Aragorn: Did it hurt?

Arrow: Did what hurt?  
Aragorn: When you fell from Heaven.

Arrow: _(dramatically (?) makes out with Siri-Aragorn on the bridge)_

Aragorn: _(fondle)_

Peter Jackson: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!! Remus, you're supposed to give Sirius a parting gift, something important to you, you know, the jewelry?

Remus: Right.

PJ: Right, action.

Arrow: I have a gift for you.

Aragorn: I couldn't possibly accept it.

Arrow: It's mine, to give to whomever I want, like my virginity…..well, okay, it is my virginity.

PJ: CoughJewelryCough

Arrow: And a Nipple Piercing.

PJ: No.

Arrow: Nose Piercing.

PJ: NO!

Arrow: Belly Button?

PJ: NOOOOO!!

Arrow: Lower?!

PJ: It's not a piercing!!

Arrow: Tattoo?

PJ: Did you read the script?

Arrow: Yeah, it said something about a Necay Lace. Ooh, is it a scarf.

PJ: _(smacks head)_

PJ: It's a necklace you idiot.

Arrow: Ooooh……._(blanches) _Is that what that was?

PJ: What did you think it was?

Arrow: _(guilty look)_

PJ: You know what, I don't want to know.

**Final Scene Edit:**

_(Candy Shop plays while we watch the camera zoom in, Aragorn's falling, Arrow saves him, he's back on the bridge)_

Aragorn: (weird spitting noises)_ Movie translation: I love you _Real Translation: Grapes turn me on

Arrow: Heeeee hisss purrr Alalalalalalalaladin genie in a bottle _Movie Translation: I love you to _Real Translation: I have a set of grapes you can eat

Aragorn: Rooby DOOOOOO _Movie Translation: I can't possibly accept that _(Arrow offered him his underwear) Real Tranlation: Are those tighty Whiteys?

Arrow: vrrrroooommmm, whistle zoinks banana _Movie Tranlation: They're mine to give away, like my heart _Real Translation: Yep

A/N: I realize it's short but writing more would distract from the amazing Remus/Siriusness of the whole thing. I'd like to think I stayed remarkably close to character 


End file.
